FlynetOnline.com Your Number 1 Source For Celebrity Images: 9/23/07

Boycott the Fire Crotch!!

Handsome Harry:
I LOVE Lilo!! I'm so sad that she's been hiding in Utah, because I like knowing about every little bitty thing she's up to. Our shutter buggies snapped her at a salon getting a pedicure. Good job, Linds. You deserve a little break!

Sloppy Sam:
Shoot me dead! How irresponsible can you get? First she's running around town on coke in high speed car chases, then she's being photographed while smoking a cigarette at rehab, which isn't going to work, by the way. Can't we just make her GO AWAY!? Put out the fire crotch, please! Everyone join together and boycott her movies. It's not like she's a good actress anyway. You're not missing much. Boycott the fire crotch!!

Bridget's Baby John Has Arrived

Handsome Harry:
Just as I was brewing up a post about Baby John yesterday, our photogs were on the case. So my friends, I'd like to present to you ... Mr. John Moynahan!! YAY!! Woohoo!! WooHOO!!

Sloppy Sam:
Big whoop. We already saw this in the magazines yesterday. Who freaking cares about this to begin with? It's just a baby. All babies look like aliens anyway.

Flynet Insider: The Life and Times of Britney Spears

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Hanson is Back, Bitches!

Handsome Harry:
WooHoo! I spoke to Taylor Hanson on the phone this morning, and he gave an EXCLUSIVE interview to Flynet, and Flynet alone. (Hence the word exclusive!) Anyway, I just had to ask him how they felt about the Hanson backlash many years ago. Perhaps I'm a silly boy, but I just thought that they would've pulled a J.T. by now and ditched the boy band. I just had to ask him, "Do you just ENJOY being raped up the ass by the media?"

This is what he had to say: Everyone's going to have problems. In our case, it would be like trying to prove that Hanson is something we want to get away from. But the reality is, in order to be who we are, it's important for us to stick it out and not ourselves jump ship when it gets difficult. We've been through it and stayed true to it.

Still proud to be a Hanson!? Awwww, how Qute!

Sloppy Sam: The Hanson Brothers are still alive? What a joke! What kind of a moron hangs out with gay people like them!?

Handsome Harry:
Hey watch it BUDDY!

Jennie Garth's Public Dispaly of Affection

Sloppy Sam:
Just look at this disgusting public display of nastiness. It's so obvious that they did this on purpose for attention! Jennie Garth, who is now starring in Dancing with the Stars, takes her man out to the IVY, of all places, where she KNOWS there are going to be photographers, and then she KISSES him right out in front by valet! Give me a break. What a phony!

Handsome Harry:
Sammy, calm down, buddy boy. Of course it was planned. I'm sure her publicist told her to go there. I mean, it's not like the food is THAT good at the Ivy. They have good tea, but that's about it. Nobody said celebs go there for the chow. They go for the fame, silly.

Is Britney Beating Her Kids

Sloppy Sam:
Hey Harry, Did you hear that Britney Spears is beating her kids now!? Look at that kid's face. That looks like the face of a beaten down child!

Handsome Harry:
OMG! I CAN'T believe the tabs are spreading these vicious lies about my poor, poor Britney Spears! Ahhhhhh! Make it stop, make it STOP! Everybody knows that ALL divorce papers specifically say not to use corporate punishment on the children. It's like in the template or something. My mom's friend's boyfriend's best friend's sister-in-law's aunt went through a custody battle here in L.A., and HER papers said the SAME THING, and she never hit nobody--EVER. Poor Brit Brit. :-( I am saddened and disturbed by this news, and I'm telling Chris Crocker about this nonsense! Anyone who messes with Britney needs to go through SHIM!

Kate Hudson in Action

Handsome Harry:
Did you know that Kate Hudson is not only working in front of the camera on Bachelor Number 2, but she's going beHIND the camera as well? Yippee, yippee, joy, joy.

Sloppy Sam:
Who really cares? She sucks either way!

Bridget Moynahan: Pulling a Tom-Kat on Us

Handsome Harry:
Our shutter buggies have been trailing after this bitch for WEEKS, and still no signs of her little tot. I was starting to think she was going to pull a Tom-Kat on us, but no, no, no. Bridg is on the cover of OK! Magazine this week, holding her baby John. So she's been keeping him in hiding so she could sell the pictures to the mags. Hopefully Flynet will be the first to get pap pics. Cute, cute baby John! Ah!

Sloppy Sam:
John. What a dumb name. Who names their baby John anyway. Do we really need another John in the world? Couldn't she be a little more original? Is it that difficult to come up with a better name than John, in the whole nine months?

Seeing Double: Offender? Joel Madden

Handsome Harry: Joel Madden seriously needs to go shopping. Hello-o? What is up with him wearing this outfit twice in the same two weeks? Or has it been one week? Anywho, he needs to skip out on getting his next tattoo to get a new shirt! The Star reported that Nicole and Joel have kissed and made up. Awww. So schweet.

Sloppy Sam: Kissed and made up!? They were never in a fight! Trashy tabloids just try to make stuff up when they're bored. Leave the poor couple alone! Jeez. We all know that Nicole is a trainwreck, but you don't have to make up lies about the poor girl. I mean, I don't like her. But the only thing I hate worse than a self-destructive, talentless party kid is a group of lying tabloids. It's the lesser of two evils here.

Fashion Passion: Pay Attention and You Might Learn Something

Handsome Harry:
Hello bitches. Did you miss me? Today we're going to talk about fashion, fashion, fashion. We'll start with Katherine Heigl. Yesterday she walked unnoticed, and today, the stalkarazzi are swarming her. And it's a good thing too. Because this look totally works for her. She's totally cute, and the best part about her style is that hot accessory to her right. Who's the boy toy? Where can I pick up one of those!? A-ha.

More Fash News

Harry: Then there is Angelina Jolie, looking svelte in satin--a classic look that totally works for her. She's always on, people. Could I even put her down just once? Some say she's too thin, but I just think she's fab. If she weighed five pounds less or 50 pounds more, I'd still love her just as much. Angie can do no wrong.

Next we have Brigitte Nielsen. She totally needs to ditch the arm candy, Mattia. He's such a punk. Other than that, she needs to go back to her closet and start all over. She needs a makeover--BAD! A new 'do, a new outfit, and a NEW dude. This is just horrendous. Ewie, ewie, ewie!

Which brings us to Fergie. LOVE the dress. Trash the hat. I have to admit, I was not a big fan of her at first, but I've warmed up, and I just couldn't live without her now. So with that, I'm going to turn it over to Sam. ... ... ... Sam? ... Sa-am? Well that's it for today. Check back later for our next Passion for Fashion segment.

Eve Plumb is Gay!

Handsome Harry:
Come out, come out wherever you are. I want to send a BIG shout out to my bull dike sista Eve Plumb, aka Jan Brady, my favorite Brady. First there was a rumor that she had a lesbian love affair with Maureen McCormick, aka Marcia Brady, my favoriter Brady. Then the tabs said that it was completely false, and now, this Monday, when a fabulous Flynet fotographer asked Eve is she was gay, she said, "No comment." There you have it, America. Eve Plumb is gay! No answer means yes. Because if she WASN'T gay, she'd say she wasn't gay. Ooo I just love the Brady rumors. I like that one about Marcia hooking up with Greg Brady, my favoritest, favoritest Brady. Can you believe these guys were making whoopi? How scandalous!

Sloppy Sam:
Harry, I hate to say it but again I disagree. I think Eve Plumb is very much straight and fine, and I think you're trying to make it into something it's not. How did you get to work here, anyway? Why aren't you working for the tabloids instead?

The X Effect: Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal

Handsome Harry:
Stop the press! Hold on to your seat, and check out this juicy gossip. RIGHT after Jake left Joan's on Third yesterday, that L.A. restaurant, Kirsten Dunst got there with her new man. I'm so peeved that they didn't all collide. I want to know what they would all do and say! Such a buzz kill. Hopefully next time, their schedules will sync up better.

Sloppy Sam:
And let's talk about that new guy she's been out with lately, Johnny Borrell. That's that kid who she met at South by Southwest down in Austin, Texas, huh? He's the lead singer of that band Razorlight. They seem like a nice couple. I'm happy that there was no drama at Joan's. Less is best, when it comes to issues.

Another Day in the Life of ... Ben Affleck

Handsome Harry:
Bennie is such a cutie pie. He's just this good, sweet, down to Earth kinda guy. I just don't even know how someone could NOT like him. This picture, which was taken today on the set of He's Just Not That Into You, makes me just want to run up and loan him my sunglasses! Shit, I'd GIVE him my glasses. He'd look good in Dior.

Sloppy Sam:
Who cares. He's just another guy on the street to me. I AM looking forward to seeing the movie when it comes out though. Did you know that Drew Barrymore's production company, Flower Films, is making this one? That's how you know it's going to be good!

Honeymoon's Over and Nicole Returns Home

Handsome Harry:
I just LOVE Nicole Richie! Can you believe that the tabs are saying that Joel Madden is cheating on her with Hilary Duff!? Oh the insanity! Wouldn't it be cool if they broke up so we could all talk about it? What a sweetheart. She's so cute with a belly!

Sloppy Sam:
Sweetheart? Are you kidding me? She's a walking mess! She's got a rain cloud that follows her everywhere, and everyone around her gets struck by lightning when she passes. I'm still disturbed by the fact that she didn't have to serve jail time. Joel better get away from her and run FAST. If he knows what's good fer him, he'll get back with Hilary and stay away from that nasty Nic. Anyone would be better for him than HER.

Under Fire: Brad Pitt

Handsome Harry:
OMG, loose the silly billy helmet Bradford! Seriously. He's so cute and lick-able. But this hat just kills it for me. I mean, I know that he's working on set here, but still, he has an image to protect, and this helmet totally makes him loose credibility.

Sloppy Sam:
I have to disagree, my friend. I think this look works for him. I don't know much about fashion, but I DO know safety. And I for one think he's sending a good message to the kiddies at home who watch his movies. Plus, you know how the tabloids are always spittin' fire at him. Poor guy. He's probably trying to dodge their lies.

Handsome Harry:
WhatEVER. He's totally not bringing sexy back. Get with it, Sammy boy!

What Do You Think About Janice?

Handsome Harry:
Let me tell you girlfriend. I met Miss Janice at a party earlier this year, and damn that girl is a bitch! I just walked up and said, "I almost don't want to approach you, because I'm scared you're gonna backslap me." She was like, "Oh no, Harry. I'm not a bitch at all. I just act that way for the TV." She said if she isn't actin' a fool that there's gonna be a thousand more girls trying to take her spot.

So we go on talking in the conversation, and the bitch just ups and walks away! I was like, "Where does she think she's going?" And someone told me she went back to the red carpet for something. But she left when I was right in the middle of a sentence! All I have to say is ... whoever you are, just own it, work it, be it. Don't be a bitch and say I'm not a bitch. If you're a bitch, be a proud bitch.

Oh shit. I asked my boss if I could curse on this thing, and he said, "Only when necessary." But so far all of this was necessary. I hope that's not going too far. I'm still learning the ropes around here. Oh fuck it. Whatever. Nobody fires a diva.

Sloppy Sam:
Harry, Harry, calm down, my friend. Nobody's gonna get fired. If you go, I go, man. So back to the issue at hand. Janice DICKenson. Yes she is an evil, crazy bitch, but in her defense, I think she's found her niche. I think it works for her. Who cares how she is in real life? Besides, everyone knows reality TV is a bunch of bologna. Who watches her stupid show anyway?

Britney Spears: Why Do We Put Her on a Pedestal?

Sloppy Sam:
Britney Spears is a joke. I just can't believe how irresponsible she is ... partying in fish nets, passing out in public, showing her privates. It's just not right. I mean, look at her here playing with stilts. Her life is in shambles and all she can think about is playing with stilts. That's just great. What a mess.

Handsome Harry:
Aw Sam, come on now buddy, be realistic. You can't expect the poor girl to save the world or something silly like that. Britney exists merely for the sole purpose of one thing and one thing only--to entertain us. So what if she puts coke in the baby bottles, so what if she swims in her skivvies. So long as we get our money's worth, I'm not bitching. I just love her no matter what. I stand by Brit Brit. Girls just wanna have fu-un.

Introducing ...

Hello there. I hate writing stupid bios, but somebody's paying me to do it, so here goes ... My name is Sloppy Sam. (cough, cough, cough) I don't even know why people call me sloppy. I mean, so what if my efficiency apartment is completely devoid of walking space. And so what if I eat like a pig and forget to throw the trash on a regular basis. When my brother nicknamed me Sloppy, I didn't think it would stick. Somehow? it did. Anyway, there's not much to know about me. I'm pretty much a homebody who got hired to work this ridiculous blog gig at Flynet, and I do it to pay the bills. I don't do much in my spare time. I just sit on ma couch and eat popcorn and watch TV and show up to work once and awhile. What else is there to know? Is that enough? Can I stop now?

Hey girlfriend. My name is Handsome Harry, a name which I got, because, well, let's face it--I'm fabulous. I live, work and play in the ever-so-trendy L.A. If I'm not entertaining guests at my downtown loft apartment, I'm hangin' in the Hills at a chic house party. If I'm not runnin' around Hollywood rubbin' elbows with celebs, I'm in Malibu catching some rays. I don't like to brag, but like, I like literally have the perfect life. I don't like to name names, but I've hung out with Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Katie Holmes, and so many more. I even had a brief affair with Bobby Trendy, but don't tell that bitch I called him out, okay?

So I have some amazing news that you're all just going to queef about. Those silly French boys who run this show? They FIRED the blogger bitch! That's right. They fired the blogger bitch and hired me and that tubby kid to take over. So love me or hate me, but I'm the new face of Flynet Online. Two, four, six eight, who do we appreciate? Harry. Harry. Yay, Harry!

Clooney's Bad Accident

George Clooney and passenger Sarah Larson, got hurt on Friday when his motorcycle crossed paths with a car on a narrow road near the Hudson River on the East Coast. George suffered a broken rib and a hurt arm, and Sarah broke her foot. They were treated at the Palisades Medical Center and later released. George is claiming it was the driver's fault while the driver maintains that it was George's fault. We found George holding it together today in New York City. Get well soon, Georgie!

The World's Richest Bum

It was only a few weeks back that David Beckham announced that he could not finish the season with Galaxy due to a leg pain. His contract states that he has to play at least 55 min. this season in order to get paid. For those of you who don't have a calculator handy, that's FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS for 55 MINUTES of work (or play, as the case may be). And since he has already fulfilled this grueling requirement, he figured he'd just take the rest of the season off, claiming to have a serious injury. He told Ryan Seacrest that he always tries to get back in the game, even if he is injured, and he said that his downfall has often been playing when he was only 80% healed.

That doesn't seem to be the cast THIS time. He was spotted surfing in Hawaii this month, and we found him here in L.A. shopping yesterday. Not only was he shopping, he was RUNNING from the photogs. His next stop? He's going to be running all the way to the bank!

Salma's Baby Has Arrived

Salma Hayek and her filmmaker/actor fiance, Francois-Henri Pinault, have announced that their baby girl, Valentina Paloma Pinault, has finally arrived. This is Salma's first baby, while F-H has kids from another marriage. We're patiently awaiting the next big news from the couple--a wedding date.

Justi and Jessi: Love Stoned

I'm wondering if he wrote his latest song, Love Stoned, for Jessica Biel. In any event, his new video is HOT. Check it out here ... http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x293a4_justin-timberlake-lovestoned-full

And that Celebrity Is ...

Without hesitation, you guessed it Wendy. It's Bridget Moynahan.

News Flash: Britney Doesn't Show Us Her Who-Ha

This just in ... While getting into her car yesterday, Britney actually failed to show us her crotch. Is this a publicity stunt or just an accident? At this point, we are only left to speculate. Her publicist could not be reached for comment at the time of publication.

Breaking News: Britney Goes to the Bathroom

It doesn't matter whether she's going to jail or going to the bathroom. She's always got swarms of shutter bugs around her. WHAT is our obsession with BRITNEY SPEARS!? The pap would've actually gone INTO the stall with her, except that photographing her crotch is so cliche. And since there are so many of those floating around already, the pictures just wouldn't even sell anyway. Hey Britney, remember that time we went to the bathroom at Quiznos!? Good times, huh Brit? Good times.

Britney Faces up to One Year in Jail

Don't fuck with the California law. For her two offenses of hit and run and driving with a nonvalid license, Britney is looking at a possibility of one year in Lynwood jail. That's up to six months, per offense. We found her crying at her attorney's office over the weekend after she heard the news.

When we review what we've learned so far this year, we know that L.A. county does NOT allow you to drive with a suspended license, ah hem, Paris Hilton. If they could, they would give you the death penalty, but since someone complained about that idea, they decided to just lock 'em up instead.

But come to find out, it's perfectly fine to take drugs and go the wrong way on the busiest highway in America. So we're thinking that Brit is all good on the hit and run deal. It's that suspended license she's got to worry about. And unless you've been chillin' in a cave with Osama, you KNOW and have an opinion about Britney Spears. So let's just hope that the judge in this case likes her new music. If not, you can bet she'll be hangin' with the jail birds in Lynwood for a good six months.

It's funny to me how you can intentionally screw up an opening act at the VMAs and walk away with no punishment. But if you accidentally drive with a suspended license, you're suddenly a criminal. L.A. is SO screwed up! I'm surprised I haven't ended up in jail by now. We'll keep you posted on details about the pending case.

Guess Who-oo ...

Guess who we caught up with going to Church last Sunday.

Name that Celeb Baby

And the Top Four Power Couples Are ...

Sex and the City is BA-AAck

The TV show that got 125 award show nominations and eight Golden Globes is currently being converted into a movie. We caught up with them on set in NYC. Aren't they fabulous?

Crazy Chris Crocker Blows Up

Last time we brought you news about Chris Crocker, we simply called him a crazy Britney fan. But now, that fan is fast becoming a celebrity in his own right. We hear the kid got his own reality TV show. Is that all it takes to win fame these days? Post a stupid video on You Tube and watch your life transform? Wow. Times they are a changin'.

Diddy Being Banned is Unforgivable

Can you believe that this ad has been banned in the U.S.? Whatever happened to freedom of expression and freedom of the press? Is it all just an illusion? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci1TEYnCojE

Star Crossed Lovers: Ben and Jen

We caught up with this cute duo on Friday on the set of He's Just Not That Into You. The movie was originally a book written by Greg Behrendt, who had his own talk show earlier this year. The show was cancelled, but it looks like Greg is making a comeback. We can't wait to see this movie, cause it's gonna be hot!

Britney Spears: Under Fire

Britney's ex bodyguard, Tony Baretto, told the Today Show that he saw her using drugs twice at a nightclub. He didn't say which kind, but he did say that it happened post rehab and that he was speaking out on behalf of the kids. A judge has ordered her to stay away from drugs, and she's not allowed to drink for up to 12 hours before she has possession of the kids. We caught this exclusive picture of her on Saturday.

Peek-a-Boo: Jennifer Aniston

For the last thirteen years, Jennifer has had to get used to paps following her around, no matter what she's doing. This is what she has to say about it: "When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed." And even after all this time, we still love to watch what she's doing when we're not looking.

Behind the Scenes with Brad Pitt

Couture or Coutorture? Paris Hilton

LOVE what she's wearing. What do you think?

Is THAT Jessica Simpson Running!?

Jessica Simpson works out? Who knew!? Actually, before you change your mind about her, you should know that we snapped this pic on the set of Major Movie Star, where she plays a character who is forced to go into the military.

Horrorscope Report: Bridget Moynahan

This totally cute mom was born on April 28, 1971. Those born around this time are dependable and solid, qualities that are obvious Bridget, even through the eyes of a paparazzi. But Taurus 1s are also inflexible, domineering, insensitive, smug and stubborn. I suppose we've yet to see this side of her, but rest assured, we'll be watching. Regardless, she's still a hot mama, and we love keeping tabs on this rising A-lister.

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